Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
you had me at cake vodka
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
