I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
