Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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