He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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