I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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