JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
