I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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