I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
