I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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