I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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