just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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