so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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