if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize