I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
