omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The air was thick with penises
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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