Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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