I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
