Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
