Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
