Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
