Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
