after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
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