I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
