Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
