Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
