I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
