shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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