watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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