I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I currently don't understand fingers.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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