So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
