I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
