dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
