i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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