I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
