Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize