i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize