How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
3pm strippers are depressing
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
