Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
