I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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