Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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