I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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