tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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