problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
