Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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