Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
