Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think i peed on brittanys purse
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
