"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
