i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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