Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
