Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
