It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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