so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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