We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
