She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
