she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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