I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
