Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
