Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
my shit smells like andre
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
