Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
