i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
