YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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