kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
