didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
