I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
