worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
