True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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