dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
