I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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