i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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