Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
