@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
