just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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