So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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